


If I Didn't Know Better

by katayla



Category: Elementary (TV)
Genre: Fake Marriage, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 19:14:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1097617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katayla/pseuds/katayla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What good is a partnership without a fake marriage along the way?</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Didn't Know Better

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sonni89](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonni89/gifts).



"Oh good, you're up!" Sherlock jumped up from the table. "I need you to marry me."

"Yeah, I'm not going to do that," Joan said. She walked into the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee.

"Are you familiar with the concept of swingers?" Sherlock followed her back to the table.

Joan took a big sip of coffee. "So you're asking me to be in an unfaithful marriage? No, wait, that isn't surprising at all."

"There's a certain group here in the city whose members seem to die at an alarming rate."

"So this is for a case?"

"No, it's because I can't resist your morning glow."

"Give me the file."

He handed it over and she flipped through the newspaper articles. "These are all accidents."

"Look at the obituaries," Sherlock said. "They're all members of the same club."

"Them and every other rich person in the city."

"Not quite," Sherlock said. "This is a fairly new branch. Look."

He pulled out several articles talking about the group and its activities. "What do you notice about these pictures?"

She flipped through them. "They're all grouped as couples . . . but they switch partners in each picture."

"And look at how they're standing. These aren't casual touches."

"So you're thinking what?"

"I think this particular branch is devoted to partner swapping. Which, in and of itself, is quite an appealing idea."

"Yeah, yeah." Joan waved her hand. "Marriage is a sham. Go on."

"Much of society isn't as enlightened as I am. Five accidents in a year is pretty suspicious for any group and when it happens in a group primed for emotional turmoil . . . ."

"And I need to marry you because?" Joan asked.

"It needn't be a real marriage! Although for authenticity, we could--"

"No."

"If we question them as police consultants, they'll get their lawyers involved and we'll never get anywhere. But they're holding an open house for new members today."

Joan sighed. "And we can't go as single people because single people don't get invited to swing."

"Precisely."

*

"Are you ready?" Sherlock asked, as they stood on the sidewalk. "Remember, you're no longer Joan Watson, you're--"

"Joan Jones, which I'm still only agreeing with under protest."

"It's a conversation starter!"

"Why can't _you_ have the conversation starter name?"

"My conversation starter is the alliteration. I, Joseph Jones, could not resist pursuing a woman whose name so complemented my own."

"Right."

"So," he held out his arm. "Are you ready to be my wife?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

*

"Conclusions?" Sherlock asked, once they were back at the brownstone.

"Those women were definitely sizing you up," Joan asked.

"Jealous?"

She rolled her eyes. "If I were, my problem would be with you _flirting_ with all those women."

"You could've been more friendly!" Sherlock said. "We're trying to gain an invite to an exclusive swingers club. They won't want us if we're not receptive to their advances."

"Okay, but we're not going to _actually_ participate in the swinging, right?"

"Watson, haven't you learned that you must be willing to do anything for the sake of an investigation?"

"Sherlock!"

* 

"It's a shame these people are murderers," Sherlock said. "I am quite enjoying our meetings."

"We still don't have any proof," Joan said. "We haven't even been invited to swing."

"Disappointing, isn't it?"

"I'm not going to ask for all of the reasons you find it disappointing."

"Some of these couples have been married for decades," Sherlock said. "You know how I feel about monogamy, but perhaps adding some variety to the mix keeps the partnership stable."

"Oh, so you wouldn't mind if I solved cases with someone else for a bit?"

Sherlock stared at her and then stood up and walked away.

"I wasn't serious! Sherlock! Sherlock?"

*

"I found out something," Joan said, as she rushed in the door.

Sherlock jumped up from the stairs. "Watson! And how was your date? Did he do anything inappropriate?"

"Were you waiting for me?"

"As your dutiful husband, I wished to ensure you arrived home safely."

"Okay, you realize that if were _actually_ married, I'd be able to get home safely without you waiting up for me?"

"Don't be silly, Watson. I'm never getting married."

Joan sighed. "Do you want to hear what I found out or not?"

"Carry on."

"Barry told me that he and Emily have been alone for a while because they didn't want to get in the way of Kelly and Ryan, who kept losing partners in tragic accidents."

"That's not a coincidence," Sherlock said.

"But it's not proof either."

*

"We were surprised to get your invitation," Kelly said, after they'd ordered drinks. "I understood you were involved elsewhere."

"What can we say?" Sherlock said. "We found you quite . . . intriguing."

Ryan smiled at Joan. "Is that so?"

Joan swallowed. "Yes. And we are quite open to other, uh, offers."

Kelly looked at Ryan. "We're a bit busy right now, but if anything opens up, I think it's safe to say the intrigue is mutual."

Joan's cell phone beeped. "Excuse me."

She glanced at the screen. _They r offing to cmt murder 4 us!_ She looked across the table at Sherlock and he widened his eyes at her.

"Is everything okay?" Kelly asked.

"Of course," Joan said. She typed, _Need proof_ and hit send. "My apologies. It's so rude texting while with friends, don't you think?"

"Darling, I've told you that apologizing doesn't mitigate the fault." Sherlock glanced at the other couple. "She's a terrible texter."

Joan spread her arms at him and mouthed, _Really?_

He smirked and her phone beeped again.

_Try 2 sprte them_

"See?" Sherlock sighed, as Joan picked up her phone to respond. "She can't help herself."

"You know what?" Joan said. "Why don't you take charge of my phone, honey?"

She handed it across the table and Sherlock scowled at her.

"Well, we do love our phones, don't we?" Ryan said. His hand moved to Joan's back.

Sherlock scowled at that, too.

*

"It's time to call in Gregson," Joan said. "We may have put their current partners in danger."

"Necessary risk," Sherlock said. "We need proof."

"Call him," Joan said.

Sherlock held up his phone with Gregson's name highlighted and put it to his ear. "Captain! We have the most exciting case for you! Sex and murder! An underground world, full of intrigue!"

Joan grabbed the phone. "Hi Captain."

"Feel like filling me in on the details?" Gregson asked.

"Well, he's not wrong," Joan said. "You see, it involves swingers . . . ."

*

"You were right," Bell said, a few days later at the police station.

"Of course we were!" Sherlock said.

"We might not be able to pin the past murders on them, but we've got them for attempted murder, for sure."

"I suppose that means it's time for our divorce," Sherlock said.

"I'm going to walk away before you start explaining that one," Bell said.

"Home, my dear wife?" Sherlock asked.

"You mean, we're not divorced yet?" Joan asked.

Sherlock signed. "You know, Watson, if I ever betray one of my most deeply held beliefs and pursue marriage, you wouldn't be a bad choice."

"Thanks. I think."


End file.
